And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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