just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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