Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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