I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
