Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Your cock deserves a montage
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
