And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
