I cannot find my penis.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
