just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
