nut hugger
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Couch. On fire.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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