Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
