WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
