Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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