Who wears a wallet chain?!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
