I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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