I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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