omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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