hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
