You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
