Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
