Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I still have a little drunk in my system
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
