god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize