i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
