...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
