is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
