Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
