just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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