why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
