youre lurking in front of me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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