So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
