I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
