Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
