you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
