Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
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She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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