I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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