drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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