Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize