Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just want nice things and good sex
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
