i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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