just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
