Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
