FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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