Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
