Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
