Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
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My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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Do you remember whose house we're in?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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