Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
