Screwed.edu
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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