Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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