i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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