yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
