you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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