My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
