I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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