I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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