I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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