Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
