why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
