I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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