20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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