U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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