Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
