I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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