I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
