I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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