I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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