I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
