actually, I'm a sock model
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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