My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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