If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
