saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
