no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
