1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
